From The moment of being found

and a tiny voice whispers through your hollow chest
"I'm a teacher and I'm under the desk''

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

and you have accepted that you will die
and you have made your peace with the end

and realized there's nothing you can do
and you cannot help those who will miss you





From You know you are going to die today

Take someone with you. To heaven or hell. Whatever.
Make sure she's beautiful.

Like the ones you have always wanted
tried to get in school
but never could





Life and Death

There is a point
when you know it's over

You accept it is over

when you let go in peace

not knowing the difference
between life and death.


It's all one.





From The Beast is like a drug

The Beast is like a drug.
Once triggered, injected, swallowed, accepted
he slips into my blood.

The Beast sweeps through my bloodstream.
He sneaks into my chest
pounding and throbbing
fiery-prickly sensations.

Tingling-brain and body freeze
end brain function.





From Walking along the city street

My friend has gone ahead.

Eventually I pick up my leaden feet, jelly body, in bits and pieces
mounting the steps
             unfocussed
                          one step
                                        slowly
                                                     after another
                                                                          lost

I move toward the door of the café                           dazed.





From For M. You know about

Sudden tears uncontrollably streaming
a trigger
you had no idea was just waiting.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  

You know about minimizing grief
superficial comparisons to the pain of others
because you were raised to be
a soldier
a general
a sport
a comrade
tough-minded
a survivor
et al.





From       Driving this familiar route

                             I am light

                     can't get grounded

                      I am hollow inside

                           wind blows
                   through the skeleton
                           of my torso

                     my empty ribcage

           I grab the wheel a little tighter